NICKLAUS YIP .

TAGBOX .

So now i am fresh from having my ear stitched back..
My ear stud got caught by the volleyball net while i was playing and a second later it just got ripped out from my ear. Leaving a piece of my ear lop hanging.
The pain did not come only after a minute or so later when it starts to burn up so badly gosh..

The only time i see people having their ear lop teared was pictures and little did i know i myself would suffer the same fate! So during the stitching process i was enduring all the pain that is pulsing through my ear and you came into my mind. Little did i thought that i have not forgotten about you.

The thought of you just gave me that little strength to not give in to the pain but the very same thought gave a piercing so pain deep into my heart.

The last i saw you was during Huangchun's birthday and i was hey.. She is still the prettiest. But i know now the 'hello' we will be saying isn't the 'hello' we once shared anymore. I just hope maybe time can give me the answer i need. How about you? It just hurts knowing there is someone else there for you.

Argh.. Ear is starting to hurt. Just waiting for time to pass me by.


So it is suppose to be the 3rd year 3rd month.
Maybe i am the only one who is still kinda bothered about it ba.
Planned so much for this day too but maybe fate wasn't so kind to us after all?

Ummm seeing how you are actually living happier now really ease my sadness away.
My mind still replayed how cold you were then and would be lying still it my heart do not ache.
Guess every 22nd i would just feel nostalgic and longing ba?

A number that holds dear to me will never change how i feel about it even with the use of time ba.
So.. Just miss spending the afternoon lepaking and all.
Hope you are living well.







A piece of me still wonder.
Never doubt. Never lost hope.
That piece of me believe there is more to this.
It still trust you weren't the way you are now.

Maybe it should stay in me.





Umm. Lets just say i have not got over you entirely.
Just wonder if you would still stare at the night sky and wondering what am i doing?

The moon, the stars the sky those are things i see and feels closer to you.
Will that part of you still exist?





What can i say?
Guess you are just pissed with me and also seeing me as a mistake?

Just wish you are happier now because i am trying to move on.
Hope you can be happier now ba.
But i guess unlike you my heart doesn't waver that easily ba.
Meeting up old friends could be a way for me to understand myself better now.

Singlehood for years to come but a time for me to grow as an individual too.
I know i will miss the memories, your family and you.
Maybe the future holds something for us maybe not, nature shall takes it course now ba.





Definitely our relationship deserve a better ending a better life. 


So its the end...

Geraint Liu...? Last long with him.

I just wish he can be a better boyf than i do.
My heart ache my tears flow its such a terrible feeling.
A picnic, a view of JB, many high teas together..

It just hurts.


Goodbye the girl i treasure the most.





Day 27,
Our team won yesterday and how i wished we had enjoyed the game together.
This thought came into my mind during the game itself, every team deserve a fighting chance so do us. We are a team like Germany never now down to pressure never waver under problems.

So.

Why don't we take a time off and consider how many happy times we could share.
I wish we can cast all the negative thoughts, the thoughts about just moving on aside for a while and consider ourselves bracing for the future ahead together.
We haven gave our all and we had already thrown the towel.
I do not blame you for leaving me hanging but i hope given a chance you would grasp it.
Give ourselves that chance, give ourselves that opportunity.
I still believe we deserve a fighting chance before i consider moving on.






Day 26,

My only regret and only shame now is to not be there to lend you my shoulders.
Support you through tired times.
How i wish i could get you something to soothe the throat,
but its my job no more.
Was i not up to your standards, i am not sure.

My only regrets was to not to be there.
No amount of friends i had with me can compensate,
compensate the beautiful times that we shared everyday.

My only regret was to let you go too easily.





Day 25,

The only way i could feel closer to you now would be through my drawings.
I hope through them will you be able to see the longing i had for the relationship.
Drawing things you like now have become my goal.. I hope you will notice it and find me soon.

These few days i had been actively thinking about you, is it a sign that you are thinking about me too?
Wouldn't keep my hopes high, but really wished it was true.
How have you been feeling recently, do you want to see me?
Do you still need my hug my concerns my voice?
Maybe i am just dreaming and hoping against the odds.

For now i am staying put, hope you would cherish this time and come back soon before i am gone.
Looking at our photos i wished we had fought together.






Day 24,

It could had been our first National Day Parade together and we would be singing national day songs of the past in which we did not get to sing together.
Fate can be cruel.

At least i made you smiled,
made you laughed,
made you longed for my company,
made you surprised,
made you felt secure,
made you felt loved.

Living life now as it goes given the fact you choose to cast me aside.
How funny it is when you were so once a boyf whom his girlf was proud to have.
Karma hit us hard for being complacent.

I had done what i could and lesson learnt, no results can be immediately obtained just through hardwork. Just hoping.

Glad i once had you and maybe have you soon.
Not forgetting being part of your family which you love so much. I believe in you.





Day 23,

Currently watching the Germany vs France game wearing our couple germany jersey.
Saw you online on whatsapp and once again just stare at the screen till you go offline.
What do i actually want now? you ignore me totally and pretend i am not even there,  so what is your purpose? Want to force me to forget about you and all? If you think that would work then it would be a shame and  pity as it would just mean my love for you isn't real and isn't strong enough to endure the burden for us.

What is in your mind, i know it hurts you to force yourself to shay away from me.
But why suffer when there is a solution?
So much i wanna share something with you but it seem you would rather me to stay silent.
Germany is winning now and thins are looking good, hopefully we can too.
supporting our favourite team, supporting this relationship that is so precious to us.




Day 22,

As much as i wish you would come back.
I know i should be more mature and move on.
But then i promised you before that if anything were to happen to us i will have to fight for both of us even when you were to fall.
So the question now is whether i had fought my hardest.

Maybe i will move on when i know it is beyond any means for me to uphold to the promise i made.
That time will be when i can fully understand what is going through your mind.
You said 1-2 years, but that would means you wanting us to just distance and fade away?
If it were for to salvage this relationship, you will have to step out and not hide from it.
To not regret, you must at least try.
when i meant try it means us trying together. Can never stress enough just hope you will get it.

I still miss texting someone who understand me
Waking up to your text in the morning
Sleeping to your Goodnight texts
Feeling your hugs which i could never get tired of
Enjoying the kiss with you.
My heart would not wavered, it still holds you close.
This isnt the memories that i am missing, but you.

Hey.. IStillLoveYou.

Day 22, this means something. 22 will always be my special number.





Day 21,

Maybe it just a signal that i should isolate myself in this darkest hour of time?
All the selfish decisions that i had no say in, i wished that the old Joey of a year back would return.
Guess no matter what i do it would render useless, though giving up is never in my mind.
Shall stay silent and bottle everything up, await the return of the girl i love so much.

There is so many things in my head right now so many questions.
But they i guess would disappear without an answer.



Remember the days you always planned a surprise for me and getting stuffs i would never expect to get.
The Manchester United themed cupcakes was definitely a highlight for me. To think it had been ages since i went to the zoo and to be back there with you on my birthday that time, it was just priceless!
The surprised look of the people besides me when they see the cupcakes are memories i will never forget. 'WOAH that is nice! Where you get that?' and i would proudly reply 'My girlfriend got it for me!' Never stops playing in my head. Seeing the kangaroos and calling them your relatives was really fun too haha. Then comes my birthday the next day and i visited you at your house, you surprised me with a cake and it was an ANGRY BIRD cake! Was expecting you to be asleep or sleepy or something but what a surprise it was! That was only surprise number two and came the surprise number three which is the watch in which i still have it in my box. Wanted to fix it but i guess it would be when the time for us to patch is possible.


The surprises you gave me were always the best even when you pass me the box containing the Nintendo DS and told me to open it only when i reach home! I even kept to my words given how curious i was! The shock that i felt after was so intense i was jumping like a mad kangaroo around the house hahaha..

You gave me so many surprises so many things and i don't believe that your feelings can just go off like this reason be it you cannot give me what you had been giving all these while. I am sure you, the most creative of us both could come out with something better than i did. I just hope you can look through the things we did the gifts we made for one another.

Maybe i shall retreat to the world i once called my 'Second Home' for a while.
I deserve someone better? That person got to be the new you. The new JoeyChua i hope would wake up in you.






Actually why does our parents achieve the feat of still being close knitted together even after so many years and we can't. Love is definitely a feeling but it isn't stop just there. Both parties need to be committed to it and make things happen even when that feeling is temporary gone as what goes up must comes down. I believe that is one thing we had failed to worked together.

Bah.. Talking to myself anyways..

This is practically the only place i can vent..

So.. second post of the day shall be that i am really happy yet sad at the same time when i did receive your message a few days back. I really had numerous false hopes in me then. You strengthen your stand by saying you are just here to ask me not to be emotional. Thing is this, what brings you here to show concern? What make you thought that maybe after being friends we could progress? It is within you it is the other side of you that is reaching out. How i wish i could tell you to take a break from everything and stay home and think. Gather all the stuffs we had and ask yourself whether you still want me or not.

There got got be a closure some time and i hope ours could be a positive one.
I guess you most probably won't read this..
Bah..


Day 20,

You tweeted about 'never abandon your family', and it contradicts the fact i was part of your's.
Sad to say sometimes words can never be trusted..

You chose to do everything alone when we could solve it together.
I relented.
You say you needed time to sort things out.
I relented.
You told me to give you more time to clear your mind saying you will try solve this.
I relented.
You did not include me in your problems all these while and made the decision to give up.
I relented..

From then on i been through nights and nights of longing just holding our photos.
Flashbacks of those moments flood into my mind.
No more are my passion for soccer nor work, just lost my interest in most of the stuffs i usually does.
Nope i couldn't blame you because you say you had done your best, and it is not easy for you.
But have we forgotten the fact that everytime it was just 'you'?

Maybe it is a lesson for us to take to the future that problems should be solve together, but after three years and this? Still leaves a sour taste in my mouth..

What is in your mind? What is in mine?
I believe a talk could clear things out but a talk you are adamant is useless.
I relent. I wait. Hoping we could maybe progress from here.

What had happened to you? Just why.




A relationship that has so much potential yet to be fulfilled.
I guess i shouldn't give up for the sake of the bond we shared.
To the Joey(x)Nicklaus, i will stay strong for you guys.


Day 19,

really glad that you had shown me concern but it hurts so much so much when it isnt out of love anymore.. My heart shattered into many pieces as the thought kept coming into my mind.
You are no longer mine to keep.. i wish for the chance for us to reconcile, really hope you can find back that feeling soon.

Being friends alone is already so much to handle.. we have not been friends u say.. but when we were together you said we were like best friends already, your written notes were the proves and so are they just fake? ..

Seeing photos of you with friends i once called mine too really make me miss hanging out with all of you. So much i had lost in just like that, how i wish you could be back how i wish you can remember the days we fought through numerous obstacles. To fall at this point of time is really a pity.. a shame..

i only wish we could progress and hopefully build up where we had fall.
imissyou
ILOVEYOU

please.. wake up and come back.

-Nicklaus.. who never forgets about his girl.. Joeychua..