NICKLAUS YIP .

TAGBOX .

I hope i can sleep tonite....


TO CELIA:

We had a fun time ba? Hope i can do a good job as a boy friend for u soon? I duno but hope time pass fast now... I am jus onging for the day to come. I gotwat u mean i will respect it. I mysef dun wan u to be force too right? Dun feel gilty or me i juz hope u can live happily. Also i wan to giv u the best if possible =) Hope the time come soon...


Woke up early in the morning recieve a message from Chang shun and Ji Wei asking me out to study. In the end stayed home study till 4pm den went to meet Celia at her house. Found out something den she was lik oops. Anyway spent rest of day there. Later went to Northpoint eat dinner b4 sending her home ha ha. Thanks for everything u gave me =) I will cherish everything from now on and hav more faith in u =) Ha ha! Now i am so excited for 15 october to come wo! 1 YEAR!!!! Ha ha first had to overcome exams ha ha!

I promised to study hard so ya i will do my best =) Lets do our best ok?






Now now now... Guess only yu hong know ba? Anyway i lazy to explain to u le. I in such good mood now so i wouldn't care les about u. So from it i can see u had lots of hatred against me wo? Nvm den i wouldn't care less =) bye


I believe in life theres always a soul partner for someone. No matter whatwe do or what we dun do... both of us wil still be together... Thus i will wait for my oul partner to come to me instead... I can only flow on in life with everything tt is planned for me... Planned for me in life...

I believe in fate. If both party are fated to be together nothing can seperate them... I hope my fted partner wil find me soon....



I duno why... Why is there such person in this world? Is not like i and my friend had cross path with u? Why mus u start back stabbing s? Why? U say we are being unfair to u but why not sit down an d reflect? Did we reali being unfair to u? Who started it? Who cause so many things to happen? All these problems revolve around u... Do you really are oblivious to the hatred against you? If u keep saying u r dying why not look forward? I am in tt position b4 so look forward... Please... Number 10...




I duno why i am posting but juz wan to let it out ba. I wan to let the world know tt i had changed. i duno if all of u had see it but i had thrown tt past me behind... I read my history posts and it hit the alarm bell tt i sould juz change myself for the better. I know i made quite aot of enemies le... I juz hope i can juz find some peace somewhere... Ya i need a breather. End of Year had come at the wrong time i guess i had no choicce. Jia You people!


Woke up early in the morning then had tuition at 11am till 1pm... YAWN! Later went to northpoint to meet ji wei to study. Later yu hong and florence came. We went to library de but no space so went to bk lo. Yi un came along too. Den we studied there till a around 3 pm then pearlyn came. Florence left after tt. Later we continued studying den later went to causeway coz yi jun's phone spoil den sending it for repair lo.



Shop abit b4 yi jun declre her phone annot b repair ha ha! So later tained home. Lend yi jun my spare phone but in the end tt spare phone also spoiled! Sad case! Den she was like so sad ah ha! Later went home then had dinner with family. Saw yu hong but he din see me ha ha sad too! after dinner went to reservoir for a whle b4 returning home. tts my long saturday ha ha! Stil lots of home works T.T




If u think scolding someone without reason is ok den i had nothng to say. Even if u apologise u think will help? For no bloody reason u scold for? Get a life!


Today school ended early. Collect the papers le den went to meet my mum with chang shun and nicholas=) Then later all the way to kfc was argung with my mm ha ha ha! Den later yu hong came along. Chatted then went home with chang shun and mum with bro wo came later too. Got myself changed and went meet chang shun b4 goin to ball outside school with yu hong, yon jun, terence, nicholas and mysef. Played till 7 plus by then yon jun went home long ago le then wei jun joined us =)Later even an old man joined us!!! LOL! A bit bad hor? But i was totally trashed by him muahahah! Lao kui.... Coz got two blisters ma! ( excuses)

Ha ha ha keeping my pot short. Later dinner bought crab den had crabs as supper! =) Chat with Celia on the phone for a long time b4 eating ha ha! After eating bloggin now ba a ha ha! ok short simple bye =)


I watch as finally i am the only one left in the room of depression. Wondering when will i leave it. Nicholas juz left it. Everyone had left. I am the only one left. Hope someone can unlock me from it. Who will the person be? Will it be a fruitful wait? People been teling me i can unlock it myself but the problem is i have the ability to?

I can only bang the door continuosly...


All of u are tired le ba. I know. I can only try my best now. For now i wan to work it out myself le. Hope to be unlock soon...


Yesterday:

Woke up early in the morning den went to meet the volleyball boys for training at Dunman secondary school at Tampinese. Met up with Kai Yang and Ji Wei at Mac we ate our breakfast. Eaten hot cakes =) So long since i ate it... Urm... 6 years le ba? LOL! Brought bck memories while eating it =) Ok train till suddenly got people's money stolen... Two f them Dunman de... Total 50 dollars gone! so training stops all search bag but found nothing... Later warning given to us by the teacher den later went home. On the way home we ate at the S11 coffe shop in Tampines. Later bus-ed home together. On bus everyone was restless Yu Hong, Hong Meng, Jun Jie and Wilson slept on the bus. Kai Yang and i played the psp while Ji Wei talking on the phone lo. Den later reached home dad brought us for dinner den later went night fishing with him at lower seletar reservoir =)

Only during fishing i finally found the peace i needed to clm myself... Smsed Ji Wei and Chuan Wan throught the phone while fishing and becoz of tt missed 6 fish lol!!! Anyway was educating Chuan Wan on fishing while chatting with Ji Wei =P Soon later Chuan Wan went watch tv Ji Wei still shpping den i left them alone lo. Fished 4 fish total =) Dad too fished 4 =) Fnny thing is tt i broke my rod while casting it!!!!! Cheap wan anyway... I too strong le ba? =P So caught total 5 cat fish and 3 smal de... All released lo =( Ha ha ha! Fished till 1 plus in the morning den later went home. Watch show with bro til close to 3am den went to sleep....




Hong Meng and Wilson having their sleep shoulder on shoulder =P



Our Yu Hng sleeping like a log he is going to fall off his seat!!!

Fish number 1!



It had been three weeks plus le... I feel so unsure of myself.... COngratulations to me for having even more people hating me.... I owe it to myself ba? I duno whether the passerby in my tag box reali understand wat i am feeling now... I thank you for trying to coax me to stand up i will try... Stil giv me some time.... These few days i had to endure sleepless nights and always had to force myself awake during school days....

I had so many things in mind today... Today had so many misunderstandings... leaving me with no choice but to seek help... Thanks to Ji Wei for meeting me every toilet break at toilet although leg pain =) I will keep your words in mind de =) Also thanks Yu Hong for belieing me i hope u can make up ur mind fast too and dun b like me...

Today went to ate together with Yu Hong, Nicholas and Chang Shun... Guess friends aren't a bad thing too ba.... Stil i hav an unusual feeling surrounding me... Wat is it tt is stalking me around? .... haix... go away...


I open the box... The box i gave you... I read all the contents within and found tears flowing down my cheeks... My heart was so touched by the so many things accumulated in it... The small or big thing.... I juz felt so touched by you.... I did not dare opened it from the day u return it to me until today.... and till today i did not read it all... i juz cannot bring myself to... I failed you i know... I face punishment now.... I regretted... I could only cry infront of the box filled with the things we shared together... Filled with the memories we had archieved in the past.... I can only cry and cry....Why can't be stronger... My heart juz melted.... My anger subside.... Again... I can only sink into my pillow..... I am sorry...



Now seeing you moved on... Having a new life.... having new joy... I can only keep those beautiful memories by my side... in the box in the cardboard... I miss those times... I know it wun return to me... I can only suffer in silence... Hope theres meaning in life... Now i can only don on myNo.15 jersey and play for the sake of our memories... I could feel the past memories saved inside in that number... Those times... Behind me..... I need to stand...





But i still miss you... Your smile... Everything.... My life juz ended there... I duno but i wish for someone.... someone to be there infront for me to live for... I am juz an empty shell now... I felt no joy anymore... Why... Why...





I cried....



One day blood will flow down my cheeks...


THANK YOU YU HONG, JI WEI AND KAI YANG!!!!!
VOLLEYBALL BOYS ARE STRONG!!!!!!


I duno myself le...
Everything i do juz go wrong...
i am disappointed in myself...

I am played around by god ba...
Now everything is out of my hand so i can only give up on my past...
I will juz leave it there...
Leave it as a happy ending...


Thanks all for your support and encouragements...

Realli especially...... Emily... Chuan Wan... Cai Jing... Pei Ying... Yu Hong... Ji Wei.... Katherine.... Nicholas.... Mummy.... Yon Jun.... Eugenie...Florence....Xue Li..... and many more...


I duno how to stand up now... But i know i will try...


Now i can only think it as good memories at least she and i had seriously love each other b4... At least i can tel my future children tt at least ur pa got memorialble memories b4?

Celia i thank you for everything all will end ba. I duno how lifes wll go on for me but i know i wil keep a lookout for you =) Finally i can take some breather.... Now so many problems crope up these days... Fed Up....


Celia:
I apologise for all the troubles cause by me... You are a strong girl in terms of mentality and body. A rare girl to me ba. Hope u live a good life ahead with someone reali fit for u. I duno maybe in the future we can be together again hope ba... For now lets work towards our end of year ba =) Thanks for those happy memories... I had moved on already... Still i may miss you... Hope to say the last time tt... I love you Celia from the bottom of my heart T.^


Woke up early in the morning...
My sunday morning spent goin to the temple to pray for my grand pa =) Miss him so much...
We went to fetch aunty first b4 fetching my grand ma and another aunt. Later move off to the temple. Later came two uncle and cousins. Stayed for a while over there lo. Later coincidentally saw Huimin and Wei Fan! LOL they went there study?! Nvm din asked much. LAter went to eat lunch b4 leaving for home. Sent grand ma and aunt home first b4 heading home. Spent the afternoon don Chemistry tys... After tt sed computer. Later in the evening went to Suntec the comex. Bought a new keyboard ( which i am having difficulty using now ) And a new mouse as mine last was old.... Bro bought "Guitar Hero".... -.-" Juz now stil busy posing with his guitar ( for the game de )










I duno... I juz try to look forward lo... Thats the only thing i can do now... i found myself being totally a changed person... So this is wat people cal someone who is 失恋... I duno wat got into me at all. But hope for the best ba. Thanks all for tagging your supportive messages =) thanks everyone who wanted to help me =) Thanks everyone who are wiling to giv me pointers on how to continue in life... I appreciated them all =) Honestlyeverytime ig o to bed how i hope the next day i will wake up forgetting everything... I cannot face my past. So now i can only move forward Hope life can be much easier... Much simpler... It ad been more than 20 days le ba?.... Why can she live ppily and why i can't? I need a solution.... "Hope she can return to me" ... i duno why but this keep appearing in my mind...


It all started.... During mr
primary six i fall for a girl... My best friend like her too... I gave in hoping she can be happy with tt friend... In the end i confessed to her and she said she also do like me. I was overjoyed but she said she wanted to study first. i relent... In the end she ran off with another guy when we were enrolled into different school. Thus i spent a whole 1 and three quarter of a year trying to forget about her....

Within the one and one third of a year... A girl felled for me... We stead for three days.. Yes three days... I did not gave her the attention she need... The comfort as a boyfriend thus she felt no point and we broke... I regretted tt time i dun wan to make a girl sad anymore... I could not look her in the eye from then... I felt so guilty... So i promised myself to give all my attention to the next girl i will be with and shower her with concern and protect her....

So after my end of year during my sec 2 i met her... i was overjoyed too same as my first. I am proud to say she is one beautiful cration from god to me. We spend life happily during the decemebr holiday especially.... But still i overdid it.. I over protective... over concerned... i juz overdid it ba... I failed to make her happy... I made empty promised to change... We quarrelled often in the process... Still we shared some unforgettable memories... I was too sensitive den.... Too easily jealous... I hate my past ba.. Still too late le it all ended on the day 5th September 2009... So we ended our 10 months and 23 days relationship... I matured from it so i felt i am a changed guy from now on... I gonna continue life ba... Thats the only thing i can do now... Hope my changed self can be noticed by her and wish for a miracle tt i and her can still be together in the future ba... Thanks for encouraging me people. I brought this upon myself and i will accept it. I will grow from it i will mature from it i will live wit it always at the bottom of my heart i will not let my bad habits surface again and affect my next girl in my life whoever she is. I will giv my future girlfriend happiness and joy only i will live up to my expectations. Maybe we went a long road Celia... Still i love you hope for the best ba. I can only walk this lonely path alone for now hope someone comes along...


Brace myself.... My third failed relationship....


Another day of terror. Everything on court juz came straight to you. I duno wat got into me i juz hope to do wel. To stand up but i can't... I am not myself after you left me. Now i having a terrible sore eye a bad one... Eye hurts alot... Still my heart hurt billions times more... I love her and will always love ler i duno if any other special girl will come into my life but i only know one thing... I lost everything. I know my friends are all behind me... I know all of you wan me to stand up and face the world. I tried the past few days, I tried to keep myself busy... I tried everything i could to forget about it... Still God plays with me... Couples walk past me... Happily... I could imagined them taunting me... I felt so guilty... So regretted but still i know i used up my chances... I am grateful for everything ya... Hope i can break out of this shell which i been trapped for so long.... I wan to mature... I wan to be a real man. Hope a miracle will happen... I can only hope... Still i only know for now... I still love a girl named Celia Teoi...













泪水将我淹没

到底谁该难过

究竟是谁放掉这段感情

我才终于明白

奔不到的承诺 就成了枷锁

现实中幸福永远缺货



请告诉她我不爱她

笑着难过 自我惩罚 想终止这一切挣扎

狠了心说真心谎话

别告诉她

我还想她

恨总比爱容易放下

当泪水堵住了胸口

就让沉默代替所有回答

我才终于明白

奔不到的承诺

就成了枷锁

现实中幸福永远缺货



请告诉她我不爱她

笑着难过 自我惩罚

想终止这一切挣扎

狠了心说真心谎话

别告诉她

我还想她

恨总比爱容易放下

当泪水堵住了胸口

就让沉默代替所有回答


我不爱

我不痛

我不懂

我的心早已掏空

真心话言不由衷

请告诉她

我不爱她

笑着难过

自我惩罚

想终止这一切挣扎

狠了心说真心谎话

别告诉她

我还想她

恨总比爱容易放下

当泪水堵住了胸口

就让沉默代替所有回答



别告诉她

我还想她

就让沉默代替所有回答





My feelings reali cannot be express... Hiax...


I am injured physically and mentally.... Hip bone bruised... Heart broken i am hit double blow... Haix....

Thanks Ferdinand for sharing thoughts and ideas.. Thanks for ur encouragement...


I woke up wanting all these to be a dream...
I woke up wanting everything to be perfectly normal...

Still the headache is still there...
Still the dried tears stained my cheeks...

Pain struck every part of my body...
Pain struck my heart like a truck....

All i could say is i feel dead...
All i could say is i will not be the Nicklaus before...

I will be jus a liveless object moving around...
I will be jus a liveless object drifting aimlessly...

I dun wan to live on...
I can't live on....

I failed myself....




Thanks those tt stayed by me... I failed this time and was scolded like nobody business...

I was totally scolded out of my life... Yes scolded...My family looked down on me now thanks to your good scolding... You ruined my life... I know you care for her.... I know your wan to be the one controlling.... Still the disrespect shown only hurt me. Not even an apologisation came... I will remember it in my heart always... 4th September 2009... My life was ruined... Still i admire you for being so protective of her.... But i wonder if theres reali a need to be so direspectful of you... I live on with the anger in me...


I lost everything... EVERYTHING... I want to bring myself up but i can't... I wan to stop time, end it, revert it... But i can't... I juz hav only myslef now... I hav to face life myself from now on... I do not hav to supportive pillar anymore... I am juz a run downed house going to break down anytim.... Goin to distegrate soon... I am breaking down slowly... Hope death come soon... I dun wan to suffer anymore... Childish maybe... I juz cannot handle the pain...


With every care and concern i shown i juz feel happy everytime... But at the same time i am stressing you up... I am confused.. I am disappointed in myself.... I juz need that last chance but it didn't came.... Everything juz went haywire... I was confident... I was determined... Still your face is more important.... I had no choice... I had no option... I had to relend and retreat into the dark alley... I wun talk anymore... I laugh anymore... I lost all my feelings now... Hope i can meet the girl again... The girl who can lift me up... A girl i can finally call... My girlfriend...


Celia i still love you...


Why...
Why....
Why fate has to do this to me?

Maybe i brought this upon myself...
Maybe i am not fit...

But why mus i be pushed to the edge?
But why mus i be punished in such a way?

Lost in love...
Lost in my own senseless approach...


I lost everything....
I watch on...
I stared on....


Still i hope i am better off dead...
Still life continues...
Still flowing past me...

Hope some drunkard can bang me on the road...
Hope time stop for me...
Hope life can be simpler...


I am dead...
I am dead in heart, body, mind and soul...

Nothing can bring me upright again...
Nothing can bring me to what i was like before...

I am Nickluas...
I am Nicklaus.... the dead...

Guilt stay within me...
Guilt spread within me...

Disappointment are mine to endure...
Disappointment are my best friend...
Disappointment are my companion...
Disappointment are my driving force to life now...

I am disappointed with myself...
I surrender to fate...
I lost...

Let me drown in my tears which flow endlessly...
Let me flow with it down the bottomless pit....

I am gone...


Dead...


I would lik to wish all the teachers from here a happy Teacher's day! I am late le ba ha ha ha!

Yesterday:

Went to school watch the teacher's day performance till 10 plus... Sat with Yon Jun and gang... Chang Shun still ignored me lol... Celia as usual far far away... Missed her... Anyway... Enjoyed the performance... After the whole thing, went to meet mum to check out phone prices and sent my phone for repair. After sending for repair we went to search for new phone =) Den after long time den found W705 not bad. Cost 288 dollars... So mum find it acceptable den wanted buy for me but need my dad's signature ma so had to wait till tonite. Later meet Yu Hong den ate together lo. Saw Nicholas Tan at KFC so he join us. After tt went to play basketball with them. Played till 5 plus then go home. Played with, Cheng Han, Nicholas, Terence, Yon Jun, Yon Jun's friend, Wei Long, Jay Lun, Zun Chen, Yu Hong and I. Fun =) We shopped North Pint too to cool down ha ha! LAter went home den together with Dad bought my phone! =)

Nw got new phone lo!!!! Thnks Mummy! Not bad actually quite nice to use =P Anw cannot stop exploring it now so ya bye people! Tmr got training at 9.45am gotta wake up at 7am 4 breakfast with Kai Yang and Yu Hong -.-" Ya after training go watch movie with Florence and Yi Jun too... Tmr long day.... If only i and her were on good terms... I miss her terribly... When can we hav a nice chat? I wan to prove to you....