NICKLAUS YIP .

TAGBOX .

Day 17,

long thoughts long night spent thinking with the photos clutched closely to my heart.
is it true u given up on salvaging?
is it true u given up on me, us?
how much i wish we could take time out and set things right.

i don't want to hear it from anyone else, i hope i could hear your voice again.
but when i am told you had given up.. also, to be able to be happy without me
in your life? i am still in disbelieve until i hear it from you.

if that is the case i would really wish you could meet someone who care for u affectionly.
someone who will help wipe off your tears when you are stress.
someone who will lend you his shoulder when you had a hard day.
someone who will stay by his webcam until you are done with your work.
someone who will visit and snuggle you into sleep, making sure you won't sprain your neck.
someone who will help you walk your dog when you are busy..


i wish i could be there to do all these again.
i just hope to hear from you.
if you are reading this, please find me soon.

IMY






Day 15,

Freezing in this classroom alone..
Practically described my current life, with you taking the warmth away when you left.
Yes it is indeed a sour pill to swallow and what after sour came bitterness.
I really hoped you are reading this and you are at the same time trying hard to give ourselves a fighting chance.

I don't blame you for the decision you had made.
I don't believe that life would be any better after this.
I don't believe that this is just a short term pain as you had said.

I still hold on to the photos you gave me in my wallet.
I still look at the photo frame you had given me on my table top.
I still hug the soft toys you had given me hard.
I still stare out at the window at night wondering if you are doing the same.
I still stare at the Whatsapp status waiting for you to be online and that is how close can i really get to you.

I don't blame you, I don't hate you, I just miss you so much cause you will always be my one and only girlfriend. Really hope during this time you will soon find me back.
My door is open and really hope you don't keep me waiting too long.
Just hope you will contact me soon.
IMissYou. ILoveYou.

Hope you are reading this.







Day14,

another day of trying to forget but could not.
now i had decided that i can never forget about you not can i get over you.
time heal wound but not scars..
so they say what if this happen again?

if it happens once, it can happen twice too.
still i believe we can correct this problem if we work together.
nothing is un solvable and the only thing i could do is to give u the time.
只要齐心协力,什么都行 . i always believe in it as much as i believe in us.

i just wish time will allow us to reconcile, to salvage what have always been important to us.
till that day comes, i will always stare at the photo in my wallet. our photos. our happiness.
i will wait.





Day 13,

So today pretty much spend my entire day at the Universal Studio with cousins and really felt an emptiness within me even though it was suppose to be an awesome day..
every time i see something interesting i would just turn and .. you aren't there..
i know you had already given up i know you had decided to moved on.. is it really true?
why don't you let me know?

up till today my heart still holds a candle for you.
up till today my brain kept replaying your image.
up till today whenever i see other couples i would wish we were still together.

i don't need anything else but just you and i together.
how i wish we can spend some time together sort it out..
i really hope we would not end like this.. our three years together doesn't deserve this at all..


will you come back to me soon?
i miss you..





Day 12,

So how have you been?
Everything is ok? I wonder..
So I followed my heart to find you at your house even though many told me not to.
I really don't wish to regret not trying.
Maybe till the end you really had no intention nor determination to hold on to me.

Tried as I might to talk you through i felt that you are still so far away.
Your room still hold our pictures, you still got the envelope on your table.
But I know i should give myself any false hope.

Should i give up or should I not?
I need an answer but an answer I did not receive.
Still even when we chat you are very against the idea of love and so on.
You say you will not be ready for a relationship anytime soon, but what does it actually means?

You are not ready for a relationship with me, you are waiting for the other right guy to come..

Maybe that was your message to me. I never felt so alone again.
I need an answer I need an assurance I need a hug so much from you.

So many look up to us so many want us to salvage it no one wants it more than i do.
Maybe time will soon force me to give up.
I hope you can get me back soon before it does make me leave.

Hope you are reading this. I don't want to give up just yet. Joey..





Day 10,

It is also our 37th month that is if we were still together and i shall spend the night just staring at the photos of us. We were so close to reaching this mark. The promise of lasting till the end the promise of fighting till the end. The promise of not letting this happen again all gone.

Really a day just for me as i wish to salvage all these alone. I don't know about you but i really miss those times and i really miss being cared by you, always on my photo talking of everything we could on text.

How i wish i could message you and wish us a happy 37th how much i wish..

Happy 37th to us happy 37th ..










Day 7,

So.. Maybe this temporary silence might just help you to settle your mind and allow you to think through.

"Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner). Just as there are physical law of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.
Love is therefore a decision not a feeling.

God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay and who you refuse to let go. "

This is the quote i had held dear to me because this was how i felt. I did lost feelings for you once, but i kept telling myself how much we had been through and how we had persevered through all these years. I got myself to make numerous stuffs for you and during the process; i saw many photos. Photos capturing the memories we shared and that is when i found my love back for you, a period of boredom does not have the rights to take everything away from us.

I was glad i took the initiative to come out with the solution and i cannot help wishing you will find yours. Since that day till now, i had not given up hope. Really wish you would regret the decision you made and approach me once again. I decided.. I refuse to let go. That is my decision out of love.

Hope you will take that step.





Day 6,

Once again typed the long message and failed to send.
It is a fact we are no longer together and from the way you had phase out your speech..
I got the feel that there will be nothing done from you.. But i am still trusting you nonetheless
I believe this relationship means a lot to you as it is for me.

Guess i got to face up to reality that now I am single and that my life got to move on.
I am doing my final push for salvation until the day the feeling just fade like yours did.
I hope during this time you could lend me a hand because it will really help me a great deal here.
There is so many things that could be done, so many solutions to try out.

In a relationship there is bound to be a point of time the love meter hit stagnant and most of the time it was mistook as lost of feeling. Maybe it is a signal that you aren't doing your part in this relationship? Maybe as a couple you guys had not done enough for the relationship?
Only when it is gone then we understands it's importance and the lesson to be learn.
I learnt it the hard way..
I hope you can see the importance soon and to make this final fight with me.

Love has no boundaries. We don't need a reason to love. We will find it together you and i, Joey.





Day 5 of being alone.
I wonder if this is temporary or is it the end.
Many had grind it into my head and as usual my mind seem elsewhere.

But will my reluctance be taken for granted, will my commitment be overlooked?
It depends on your actions. Sigh.
So today i, once again send a message at 11.11am, remember when we took this timing so ever seriously.
It's still matters so much to me. Maybe that applies on everything?

You asked me before what i if met someone new?
I asked myself that too, what is my reasons?
I guess i knew the answer deep down in my heart but,
What if you were the one who found someone instead?

Life did not became easy, today i had pretty much all the time alone in this cold room.
I wonder about you, thinking of how we would cheer each other on every minute through text.
How you would send me selfie..
Are you thinking the same?

So much to say so much to tell you but it would just stress you out further i guess?
I had made my steps, we shall see in the coming days then.

Somewhere down there i know my girlfriend is still alive.






So the morning as again started off with a sore eyes.


Friday the 13th..

I knew it would be a bad omen my guts told me that but my mind and heart kept the hope burning.
Holding on to faith believing in you. We finally met. But your expression had already given off the decision you were about to make. Once again i was thrown, cast away back to here. My dark world. Gone are the days of happiness in just one meeting. Three years of hard work gone down in a bits. Weeks of late night sleeping, hours spent on conjuring memories in form of gifts, all weren't futile in my quest to convince you.

The only question that came into my mind, What did i do wrong?

If i were a good boyfriend to you then why did you left?
If i were your ideal boyfriend why did you not hold on tighter?
If you felt you did not do enough for me why not do the little things that could already please me?

Demanding was your reason but what i had asked for are things you had done. Still.. I regretted not being more sensitive and more sensible in my demands. There are times it was out of frustrations and little did i know it came back to haunt me. I thought you understood me. But.. I had a hand in this downfall..

So much things i want to tell you so much things i want to share but, you were my girlfriend no more.
I felt stressed out everyday and when i needed someone to share with, you were my girlfriend no more.
I needed a person to hug, a person to be there for me, you were my girlfriend no more.

You told me time will heal, it will be fine, but doesn't that means that you will move on in life and go on to a faraway land with someone else who isn't me? You said i am your ideal, you said i am good but i am not kept by u.

What i really want is your assurance that if i were to give you time, you would slowly try and search out that feelings deep in your heart because i am sure deep down there still lies a hope, the feeling for me.

Yes i could move on like i did but i really do not wish to miss out on a girl whom had understood my life for three years who had been there throughout my poly life filled with ups and down. I want to make you proud again i want to love you hard again i want to care for you like i always did again.

You kept saying i deserve better and i could find someone better. But that isn't the point because everyone wants something different and i only want you, someone down to earth and an capable girlfriend to be there for me. Someone who will stand by me when the whole world is against me. No money no time no girl can change that i only want you as my girlfriend.

I just wish you could tell me to wait. Wait for your return.

I hope you read this, i hope you understand. I just need your assurance that is all i need.
I love you, Joey Chua.









Day 11,

So today is finally the day and it would be a lie if i were to say i do not feel a bit of nervousness.
Really wished you are not as negative as you are on twitter and that will be a world of good for us already..

But at the same time they always say, if you love her and want her to be happy, you got to leave her. But will she be that happy if i were to leave? Though being confident that i could hold the flame for you better than no one else, i do not know itf you like me to be the flame handler.. Really wished i am not alone in wanting this valuable relationship. Three years down the road and we are met with this big huddle..

Hopeful for a peaceful and conclusive closure, I want to be with you.





Day 7.

So Friday is where this separation ends i hope?
From your reply i could still sense a tiny bit of barrier still on but really hope everything works out.
Still do not know if you had read the letter i mailed to you but i had a feeling it is already in the mail box le ba?

Still seeing you retweet emo tweets really wonder when you will start being positive and come out from that victimize shell of yours.Really want to help you so much but am powerless to interfere, the most i can do i had already did and its just a waiting game until Friday then!

Really hope for the best and ya.. The last three years, the foundation that we had built, the bond we forge, the love we shared, it will be such a waste for it to just disappear like this.




Day 4 and imagine my happiness when i got my new Iphone 5s yesterday! It is always nice to get a new phone after years of using the old ones but my happiness couldn't reach the level that it usually does for some reasons.. I was rather glad we text-ed a little when i shared the good news with you but you still seem a distance away and i really wish we could cuddle and enjoy this day together.

Apparently at the end you once again chose not to reply to my disappointment but it just the period of chilling i guess? Really hurts so much to see you online and yet i could not approach you. Sigh..
This really brings me back to the past when the same thing happened but staying strong had not been my forte since the start. Soldiering on from this day on because i know that i could put my faith and trust in both you and the relationship we had built for the three years :)

1112 days together already, isn't just an overnight feat, if we could reach here we could get this over and solved. Really hope you can stay positive and consider properly.

Still being online on whatsapp everyday just watching your status going from 'offline' to 'online' and then back to 'offline'.

Missing everything. Day 4.





Woke up several times once again, so how do i even explain how i feel now?
I will always hold onto my phone and stare at your 'online' status on whatsapp and then told myself 'no..no.. give her time..' but there were just so many times i needed you man. So close yet so far..
During these period i really found myself being just alone, yes love myself more but i really love myself more when i am that dutiful boyf around you. i always wanted to be a dependable boyf for you and that is when i will love myself even more.

Loving myself requires me to love you too at the same time i guess?
Really wish Time can work it's magic and bring you back to the days we shared the joy and laughter.
Remember those times we had and give you the confidence and motivation you need to follow me to the future. I done my best, i did what i could just hope you will see it.

My messages for you these few days would take me several minute to read through before sending them, i am always worried if they will affect you.. Guess i am once again thinking too much.

Miss you..

Day 3..


Just couldn't sleep, seeing you online on whatsapp and yet i could approach you to chat.
So close yet so far..

Finally got your message and it was the first time today my face lit up but i could still sense your reluctance.
Really wish we could be back to that sweet couple!
Patience patience i believe we will get there.

Off to bed and i am already starting to miss snuggling with you to sleep.
I need you close.


Once again i am unable to sleep.

Are you alright? Are you ok?

It had really been a while since the last we met and i really miss those moments, so much so much gosh..
Really hope we can hold it out, because i am pretty sure you are just that girl i had always been looking for, these time spent alone really made me notice the importance of you.

That feeling of having someone to cheer you on, to encourage, to console you. No one can do it better than you. A pity this got to happen but i am holding on to my optimism i am sure we can accomplish this feat, you and i. I understand the necessity of going through this and that you need your time. I will wait, wait for you to finally be ready. Just 8 number away..

Miss those times.

My painkillers.




It is the first day after such a long time that we had to suspend messaging between ourselves and it is definitely a torture for me. Messaging you had became my habit and everyday thing, i miss sharing what we are doing every minute and giving encouragement to each other.

I cannot wait for us to be back together again defeating this problem that is threatening the bridge we had built over the years. This pain i suffered definitely cannot be compared to what you are enduring now, how i wish i could be there to share those pain those tiredness.

Only when together will we be strong.

I missyou.





Never cried so hard never felt more lonely,

Aimless.

First it was friendship

Second it was relationship

And finally family,


Life does make fun of me at times. Its a joke when i was the one, people get to laugh at, the one that can never escape the pain. This one night really released all the pain and sadness welled up in me and its the darkness again i once knew.

No, no one will rush to find u, no one will even bother, i am alone and this is where it all became familiar.I, myself, darkness.

Good bye.


I wish you could just rush here instead of just asking what happened..